A Hot Mess Called Love

Even though “teacher” is part of my title in this neighborhood, I feel that I am the student more often than not around here.
These kids, these families, they school me every day. They daily take the fabric of what I learned in Sunday School as a youth, and show me where all the holes are. 

Lately, the biggest lesson they've been teaching me is that real love is unfair.

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Of course, that's not really anything new.

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus scolded those who only loved people who would be capable of loving them back in the same way. 

At another time, Jesus took on the “religious right,” and the rich and famous, challenging them to have extravagant feasts and parties where only the poor, the handicapped, and the socially despised were invited to be wined and dined.

Did Jesus have a vendetta against rich people? Did he hate the religious right? Nope. He was speaking against a shallow kind of love that many "godly" people of the day celebrated. In their attempts to publicly separate themselves as being "holy," and in their desire to make life easier, they had adopted a version of love that had completely missed the mark. They only surrounded themselves with people who were essentially like them. Regardless of their motives, Jesus exposed their "love" as selfishness.

I can't say I blame them. 

Because it’s easy to love, hang with, and invest in people who…

look like you

believe like you

vote like you

We like love when love is easy and fair and safe.

However, Jesus said that kind of love, isn’t even CLOSE to being what real love is like. It’s not an accurate picture of love. It’s not deep enough.

He said it’s TOO easy.

In his words: “ANYONE can do that.”

Well if that's not love, what does real love look like? For that answer, we look to God.

God, in his relentless pursuit of capturing humanity’s hearts, paints for us a picture of a deeper love.

He shows us that real love is a hot mess, but continues on even when it is unrequited.

And that at its core, real love is unsafe, unfair, and uneven.

~~~~~~~

The kids in my park shine a light on this truth nearly every day. Just ask our other volunteers.

I’ve had to learn that these kids will never love me back in same the way I love them, and that in repayment for giving them my extra time, for connecting them with the coolest tutors on the planet, for finding people to give snacks and resources, and for answering the door no matter what time they knock,

they are still going to lie to me.

they are still going to steal from me.

they are still going to curse me out under their breath when I make them upset.

they are still going to make bad choices when I beg them not to.

they are still going to break my rules, my stuff, my trust, my heart.
Because they are people. That's what we do.

I would love to tell you that I handle it well all the time. But that wouldn’t be true.

It’s tough. Because I’ve noticed that my knee-jerk reaction is usually more like Jonah, and less like Jesus.

I’d rather run and hide than step in and engage.

I’d rather emphasize how wrong someone is than attempt to discover their story.

I’d rather they face the consequences of their “sins” than simply forgive them outright, even without them asking.

I’d much prefer that showing them love would be easy and fair and safe.

But like Jesus said, that’s not what real love looks like. Instead...

…sometimes it looks like waiting for the angry kid without a dad to finish screaming hurtful words at me before speaking softly in return, because not every kid has seen a love that is patient and a love that is kind.

…sometimes it looks like finding the kid that broke into my car and stole my new game and giving him the expensive and hard-to-find batteries that power it, because not every kid has seen a love that doesn’t envy and isn’t self-seeking.

…sometimes it looks like offering the boy down the street $10 to shovel my driveway with my shovel that he lied about stealing from me, because not every kid has seen a love that rejoices in truth, yet isn’t prideful and boastful about it.

…sometimes it looks like going out of my way to say kind words to the shifty-eyed kid who likes to spread rumors and break other kids’ stuff, because not every kid has seen a love that doesn’t dishonor others and doesn’t delight in evil.

…sometimes it looks like refraining from ever rehashing a bad deed that a kid has done once it’s been dealt with, not even as a future “reminder,” because not every kid has seen a love that doesn’t keep a record of wrongs.

…sometimes it looks like constantly urging kids to use their voices and tell if bad things happen to them, while knowing that most of them won’t, because not every kid has seen a love that protects.

…sometimes it looks like asking people to help financially support a depressed, unemployed single mom while she goes on a job hunt, even when chances of her “bouncing back” seem slim, because not every lady has seen a love worth trusting and a love that instills hope.

…sometimes it looks like continuing to pursue a kid that takes your kindness for granted and is quick to trade your advice for poor decisions, because not every kid has seen a love that perseveres, never fails, and never leaves.

Real love, selfless love, is stupid by most cultural standards.

It defies logic, especially if/when it transcends consequence.

Real love is hard, it is risky, and it is always unfair.

But it is in the times when I am most aware of how unfair love is that I can hear God whisper, “That is how I love you.”

And suddenly, I’m so very grateful that it is.

Jesus Wants To Save Superman

“That Jesus guy, is he some kind of superhero or something?” asked the tousle-haired boy. He was in third grade, new to church, and by the content of his constant stream of interrupting questions throughout my lesson, I could tell he was unfamiliar with the stories of Jesus. A superhero? My post-conservative gut reaction was to tell him “no.” Because Jesus isn't a superhero. Superheroes are mere fantasy. And Jesus is so much more. Don’t want the kid to be confused.

But before I spoke, an image probed my brain with a swift jab. I envisioned a crew aboard a ship, gripped by the terror of a life-threatening storm; their bodies soaked with rain and sea water, their eyes and hearts drenched in fear. No mere cabin boys, these rugged fishermen lived their entire lives by and on the sea. So their state of panic gave reason to believe that both this storm and this hour might be their last. But then, one of their passengers, a wise and mysterious figure, climbed to the deck from below. He narrowed his eyes, glaring fiercely through the rain at the destructive waves. In a gentle yet powerful voice, he uttered the words “Peace, be still,” and the churning waves were replaced by a sea of glass. The wind retreated without a whisper, as if scolded by its schoolmaster. With a simple phrase, the passenger had ended the storm. The crew, filled with relief and awe, looked sideways at each other, wondering who would be the first to ask the question that was on everyone’s mind: “who IS this guy?”

Superhero? Hmmm. Perhaps this outspoken little boy was closer to the truth than I thought. Perhaps he was on to something.

“Yeah, he’s a superhero,” I told him. “The best one there ever was, and the best one there will ever be. And do you want to know what the coolest part is? He’s real!”

“Awesome” he replied.

~~~~

I’ve been on a Smallville kick lately. And I’m prepping our fall lessons for KKids. It looks like the two have collided in my sleep-depraved thoughts. Over the years, I’ve arrived at the belief that when teaching young children about the Son of God, Jesus and the superhero metaphor go together like peanut butter and jelly.

Superpowers: Why Jesus is like a superhero

Any kid will tell you, what really makes a superhero “super” is his/her powers. For some reason, we humans (especially children) are innately attracted to (or baffled by) the idea of the supernatural. There’s an unspoken thrill to the idea that maybe there’s more to our world than just the “natural” that we can experience with our senses. It’s no wonder that children often pretend or desire to have the ability to fly, the power to wield the force, to use magic, to turn invisible, or even to walk on water. Superpowers are the embodiment of the supernatural, so superheroes and children are a perfect fit for each other.

For kids, the connections between Jesus' miracles and futuristic “superpowers” are unmistakable, because many children readily believe in the supernatural. When you tell them that Jesus walked on water, they get it. When you tell them that he fed 5000 people with a bible-time equivalent of a Lunchable, they can see it. When you tell them that he brought back stinky Lazarus from death, they don’t raise an eyebrow, but instead break into a wide-eyed smile. Kids believe that Jesus did everything that was written…and more. And they love him for it. Why? Because miracles are just a part of life for kids. Some of the best prayer warriors I’ve known have been children, because they’re not afraid to ask for and believe in the impossible. It’s no wonder that Jesus said that everyone needs the faith of a child.

Sacrifice: Why Jesus is better than a superhero

If what makes superheroes super is their powers, then what makes them "heroes" (and loved by children everywhere) is their ability to save. Simply put, superheroes save people. That’s what makes them heroes. If they don't use their powers to save people, then they’re not heroes. In the movie Spiderman, Peter Parker’s choice to keep his web-slinging abilities to himself resulted in the loss of someone he loved. He was not yet a hero. On the other hand, if a superhero uses their powers for selfish gain, they become supervillains. True heroes take the powers they have, and use them to save and protect the people around them.

Well, who better to exemplify the whole “saving people” theme than Jesus? Because he set out to save the world in a way that no one ever could. He didn’t JUST go from place to place fixing people and getting them out of binds (which he DID do, by the way). And his sights weren’t set on one city. He was determined to set all of humanity free from the invisible, previously indestructible bonds of sin and death. Let me see you slice through THOSE chains, Wolverine. ;-)

But Michael, you can’t compare Jesus to a superhero!

Well… In the Bible, Jesus was compared (and even compared himself) to many things: a vine, a rock, a temple, a shepherd, water, bread, a rabbi, etc. But do we really think of Jesus as being a lovely fern? Of course not. He was using an illustration. We know that. Why did he use so many illustrations? Because we RELATE to them. Now, as citizens of a post-agricultural society, we may not fully grasp the whole shepherd illustration, but we still know what a tree is. And we know what bread is. And we know what water is. That's the beauty of using more than one illustration. The only problems arise when we take an illustration to an extreme and forget its metaphoric roots.

Do today’s kids RELATE to superheroes? If you’re unsure of the answer to this question, you need only poke your head into any local kids’ ministry (well, one that doesn’t have a dress code), and take a quick peek around the room to see just how many kids are donning some form of superhero/idol ware. Of COURSE they do. And if it’s something they RELATE to, I wouldn’t be so quick to discredit the idea.

But Michael, if you teach kids that Jesus is like a superhero, then won’t the kids equate Jesus with a fairy tale?

That, my friend, depends on the delivery. There is a rockin’ song we sing in our kids’ program called “Jesus is my Superhero,” which says that Jesus is “better than (insert spandex-clad hero here).”  One thing I do before singing the song with the kiddos is remind them that Jesus is the BEST superhero because A) he’s the only one that’s real, and B) he saves us in a way no other superhero could. Problem solved.

Kids love superheroes.

I don’t know of anyone who had to teach a kid how to love a superhero.

So if you can show a kid how Jesus is the BEST (and the only real) superhero, you just might have found a way to better help a kid fall in love with Jesus.