It's Just "Guy Talk"

“It’s just guy talk.”

Man, I hate this phrase. Especially after this weekend.
So let me begin by stating this up front…

No.

No, it’s not.

As I sit here today on my couch, I am a husband to a wife.

I am a son to a mother.

I am a brother to a sister.

I am an uncle to nieces.

I am a great-uncle to great-nieces.

I am a grandson to grandmothers.

I am a nephew to aunts.

I am a friend, cousin, and co-worker to many women.

I am a teacher of both young men and young women.

And I’m also hoping that maybe one day I’ll get the chance to be a dad to a daughter.

I am a guy.

And yet for the life of me,

I can’t possibly think of a single instance where I would be ok with ANY guy talking about or treating ANY women or girls in my life in a way that was lewd, objectifying, demeaning, or sexist.

Not one.

So no. It’s not just “guy talk.”

Not only that, I can’t think of a single instance where I would be ok with my nephews, the boys and young men that I teach, or even my future sons becoming men who thought it was ok to talk about or treat women in a way that was lewd, objectifying, demeaning, or sexist.

Not one.

So no. It’s not just “guy talk.”

In fact, if any guy I know is in any of the categories I just mentioned, and he DOESN’T have a problem with someone talking about or treating the females in his life in a way that is lewd, objectifying, demeaning, or sexist, then I am truly nervous for those women and girls.

I can’t imagine ever being ok with my daughter growing up even slightly thinking she’s less-than, because of so-called “guy talk.”

But I also have to say, I even feel bad for the guy who actually believes that talking cheaply about women is “just guy talk.”

Because he has proudly and blindly swallowed a harmful lie.

Hook, line, and sinker. 

IT’S AN ENABLING PHRASE

Some argue that words are just words. Talk is just talk, after all.

But you see, words always encompass an idea. A thought. A belief.

When used well, talk can be powerful, especially if the core idea is good.

If the core idea is harmful, or demeaning, words can sometimes end up causing damage, either directly, or even indirectly by deemphasizing the REAL consequences of the idea that they’re connected to.

It’s the mental equivalent of wrapping a towel around a sledgehammer.

Sure we “know” that objectifying women is a terrible thing to do.

Sure we “know” that treating women unfairly is wrong.

Sure we “know” that assaulting women is no laughing matter.

But if we joke about it…it can become one.

Words and ideas always pave the way for actions.

If you believe “it’s what guys say,” it can become what you say.

If you believe “it’s how guys think,” it can become what you think.

If you believe “it’s what guys do,” then it can become what you do.

Jesus put it this way: “what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person.”

Simply put, our words, whether spoken publicly or “privately,” matter.

Our hearts shout the loudest through the words we speak in secret.

SIDE NOTE: this is why it boggles my mind that any professing believer or follower of Jesus would even CONSIDER uttering or ignoring the phrase “It’s just guy talk.” We cannot say we are wholeheartedly following Jesus’ teachings in moments when we perpetuate this lie. 

Jesus makes NO distinction between our thoughts, our words, and our actions.

Lusting after someone is the same thing as actually taking advantage of them.

Hating someone is the same as killing them.

Calling someone a name can invoke the wrath of hellfire.

A little extreme, right? A little shocking, right?

Of course. Because these extremes point to a truth: our thoughts, our words, can eventually become actions. Like seeds bearing poisonous fruit.

TRUTH: WORDS BECOME REALITY

Regardless of who you are, if I can look down on you in my mind, if I can disrespect you with my jokes, if I can minimize you with my words, then it’s the very same thing as actually harming you, because if I can allow my self to imagine you as being below me, or not worthy of dignity, I will eventually treat you that way.

(By the way, the same thing goes for how we treat other ethnicities and even people from other religions, but that’s for another post.)

But if instead, I choose to see you the way we were both created –in the image of God– then that means two things:

• we are of equal value
• that value is higher than I can afford

Which makes YOU worth talking about with integrity.

Which makes YOU worth uplifting with my words and actions.

Which makes YOU…

…worth me exerting self control around

…worth me treating fairly

…worth me seeking your best interests and goodwill.

According to the creation story, it even makes you worth dying for.

So no.
I will NOT be teaching my future son that it's ok to objectify women, to treat them as less-than, or speak lewdly of them, just as long as he says it behind closed doors with other guys.
Because it is not ok. Ever. Even if the whole world is doing it.
That's weak. And I want him to learn to be strong.

I will NOT ignore, or worse: attempt to justify, when I see others do it, regardless of who they are or what position they are in, lest I teach my future daughters and sons that it's ok for them to do the same.

I will NOT perpetuate a phrase or an idea that allows someone to willingly and shamelessly devalue someone else, because if they devalue someone else in their eyes, they also devalue themselves at the same time.

Integrity, Strength. Honor, Self control, Encouragement...

This is real “guy talk.”

Anything else is just plain foolishness.